I’ve never given rites of passage much thought. I’m not Jewish, so I never had a bar mitzvah. As a guy, I got no sweet sixteen party either, though I did get my driver’s license and drove my car by myself for the first time. On my 18th birthday, I was given drugs by my friendly neighborhood drug dealer. On my 21st birthday, I went drinking with my best friend and another friend and friend’s girlfriend. The couple ruined the night by arguing. I just wanted to go home and sleep.
So all the natural birthday related special moments passed me by uneventfully. The only rites of passage that meant anything for me were accomplishments. First, becoming a member of my church at the age of 19. Then, graduating from a discipleship school a month later. Next, it was completing a waterproofing project where everyone else quit except me and the two foremen. I saw that project through to the end, even though I cried a couple times at how miserable my life was.
Then there was college… a crowning achievement. Earning my Bachelor’s degree was HUGE. It meant that I completed something I spent nearly six years working on. After graduation, I began to believe that I could accomplish things that previously would have seemed to difficult or inconvenient.
Marriage was the next rite of passage. The day I became a husband, I entered the realm of men committed to one life partner for the rest of their natural lives. It’s a sacred assembly.
And now, I have entered the realm of the father. I have a child, and she is the most beautiful child I have ever seen. She makes noises when she breathes that melt my heart. This rite of passage is unique. I am now responsible for an innocent. She depends on me. She needs me desperately. She doesn’t even realize that I exist yet, but my protection and provision and comfort help her to survive. She will grow to know me, but for now it is enough that I help her exist.
This rite of passage means that I no longer need to impress other people via the “cool factor.” You get a free cool pass once you become a father. No one else has to understand how I love my daughter or my wife. As a matter of fact, I don’t want them to. Let them be ignorant and treat me as just another guy. That’s great. That just means that the intimacy within my family remains within my family and cannot be cheapened by the immaturity of an outsider.
God has blessed me with a child. Children are a gift. Believe it. Any statement to the contrary is a falsehood.
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