» The Choice Between Corporate Wife and Mother Wife at One Real Man

July 6, 2007

The Choice Between Corporate Wife and Mother Wife

My wife and I were sitting on the bed, on a July 4th afternoon, discussing the progress and changes in our relationship. While my parents could have been described as stagnant and unchanging for the most memorable years of my childhood, my life since the wedding has been nothing less than busy and constantly in flux.

As we talked, I shared my concerns (again) that she is working full-time during her pregnancy. If you’re one of those people who believes that it’s completely normal for a woman to work through her pregnancy and after her baby is born, don’t preach at me. I love my wife, and it is my goal to provide enough income so that she doesn’t have to work. Some women want to work. But some women convince themselves that they want to work in order to have a positive attitude because they HAVE to work. There’s a big difference.

Then there’s that period of uncertainty that comes from never having been pregnant before. She doesn’t actually know how she will feel about work once the baby is born. It’s great to have two incomes because we almost live off of mine now and a good chunk of hers goes toward paying off our house. But it’s not a necessity, and I think she worries way too much about our financial security. It’s a burden that can steal happiness.

So there is this uncertainty. Will she want to be a mother/homemaker type or a mother/business professional type? She’s definitely gifted enough to do well in the business world. I have no doubts about that. She could very easily make more money than I do for the rest of our professional lives (she already does now).

I feel sorry for women who feel that they must work in order for their family to survive. I used to work with women who returned after a month of pregnancy leave to work 40-45 hrs per week only to spend a sizable chunk of their income on daycare. These women often feel guilty for leaving their child with strangers, but they feel that they must shoulder the financial burden alongside their husbands.

Young couples face this scenario more often than others. Nine times out of ten, a young professional makes less than a seasoned professional. Sometimes, you must rely on two people’s income to pay the bills. But if you fit that description, I would challenge you to consider two things:

1. If you have spent money / credit on new cars, premium electronics, nice restaurants, and expensive clothes, you must change your lifestyle in order to reverse your financial situation. You can’t get ahead on one income if you spend yourself into debt.

2. If you are both going to work to pay the bills, consider working fitting continuing education into your schedule. Whether it’s a working internship, college classes, or self-motivated research, do something to elevate your skillset. Soon enough, you will increase your earning power.