I’m sick of hearing about other people’s “pursuit of God”. I want them to pursue Him. I just wonder if anyone is really pursuing Him more than me. Honestly, I’m not doing much. I’m no prayer warrior. I don’t read the Bible every day. I don’t have “quiet time” with him every day.
It’s true. I don’t. In theory, I SHOULD. But I don’t. So can you get over it? I want what God has for me, but I am still in that stage of being convinced that He actually has something for me. Looking at the big picture, I get it. But that day to day real life…. yeah…. that’s a killer.
I don’t usually want to be still and quiet and listen for God’s voice. I’m IN PAIN. I’m scared. I’m hurting. I’m hiding. I go to work, go to the gym, come home, watch television, and go to bed. That is how most of my days look. I’m just not that exciting. My life is not action packed (though I suppose it is about to be when our wonderful baby is born!).
To everyone around me, I’m just a normal guy who doesn’t act very “normal.” I laugh loud and unrestricted sometimes. That makes me feel vulnerable. Why am I writing this? Just following the flow.
My “walk with God” or my “pursuit of God” is more like me flailing blindly and asking God to keep me from falling off a cliff. Yeah… that sounds about right. Me… flailing….
I am the flailing one. That is my “pursuit.” I’m so spiritual.
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