Something happened recently to our family that was a major injustice. I was accused of something that was not true so that my boss could fire me. He had given me a significant raise that kicked in just four days prior, and had promised me some other stuff as well.
In the time since, I have received multiple prophetic words from people at my church that God had allowed this to happen and that this was the start of a promotion. Two older men in my church whom I respect told me that they have been terminated from multiple jobs over the years, and each termination resulted in a promotion. The next job was usually more money and more authority and sometimes even more satisfying.
I heard all these people rallying around our family. I heard their encouragements. And I was very encouraged. But then my first interview came, and it was like I lost my footing. The interview seemed to go well from the interviewer’s perspective. I was mildly interested in the job and the company, but the job would pay the bills. So if that were my only option, I would take it.
But these prophetic words I’ve gotten have told me to search my heart and to pursue the desires of my heart. That is a hard thing to hear. How do I pursue the desires of my heart? I need to pay my bills! I can’t go off and start writing a book. I don’t even feel the desire for that anymore. I can’t just expect to walk around and give people prophetic words and through that support my family. I need a strategy. And even if the Lord wants me to trust him and walk by faith, I need a STRONG word from him that I know I can trust.
All the encouraging words and prophetic statements in the world don’t seem to substitute for actually hearing God’s voice for yourself. Even the internal whisper is preferable to a dozen encouraging words. Just speak to me, Lord, and show me what you want from me. Tell me what you want me to do. Tell me what you want from me right now. How should I live? How should I spend my time?
It’s not enough to sit around and wait. I’ve done that for years before, and got nothing in return. Even with real doubts, I want to trust God’s plan more than my own. So the first step is to hear his plan, or at least the next step of the plan.
Real men have doubts. Don’t let that shipwreck your faith. We all doubt. But a mustard seed of faith is so small, it sometimes says, “God, I know that you CAN, but I don’t know if you WILL… Have mercy on me!”
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