I’ve had a revelation about family. It all began when I ruined Father’s Day for my whole family. My mom started sharing her feelings about a pastor I care deeply about and I snapped at her. Several members of the family continued to talk about flaws in the church, and needless to say I snapped at everyone. I had a legitimate reason for being angry: I hate hearing people judge my church leaders when they don’t know the whole situation. But my response was so laced with bitterness that the rest of the day was overshadowed by uncomfortable silence. This Father’s Day was for me what some people call the gift of trouble.
I come from a screwed up family. I know everyone does to some extent, but there’s a lot of room for play there. But this Father’s Day was a God-given opportunity for our family to face the fact that we are not good at speaking our hearts or resolving conflict with each other. My dad is an amazing man, yet he’s totally clueless about how to speak to his own wife and how to lead the family with a conqueror’s attitude. He passively waits for life to change before his eyes. He prays for people and relationships to heal, but he doesn’t do much on his own to help.
I’m in a bind. I shared my heart with my father, and he was receptive, but he didn’t offer the one thing I didn’t realize I was looking for. He failed to acknowledge the failure in a sincere and sorrowful way. My pain hasn’t been legitimized yet, and I still feel slighted for it. I don’t care how old I am. I want and need my parents to feel sorrow over neglecting my heart as a child. I need them to care. I need for my loss to mean something. I need to be healed.
Pray for me - that God would lead this time of correction and healing within my family. Ask Him to make my heart full. I want a full heart. Full of love. Full of reassurance. Full instead of desperately thirsty.
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