With our first baby on the way, I’ve just begun to dread the possible move to family friendly music. Thank God for headphones. Even now, I get to listen to music my wife can’t stand because I have headphones. With headphones and me-time in the car, I’ll probably still get plenty of opportunity to listen to my music.
The situation changes, though, once our children reach that age of accountability. They may want to listen to a particular artist or album because a friend talked about it, and I’ll say no. I will explain to them why at some point, and they will inevitably pay more attention to what kind of music dad listens to. This is where it gets bumpy.
I have no intention of being the “do what I say, not what I do” father. This concerns me mostly because I had this debate with my dad in high school. I discovered Columbia House music club and was instantly enamored by the concept of nearly free CDs. My first Columbia House order included 10,000 Maniacs, Duran Duran, Rusted Root, and Michael Jackson’s “Dangerous”. These were my very first secular albums other than the Beach Boys.
Within two short years, I was listening to Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Smashing Pumpkins, The Offspring, etc. My dad strongly objected to the cursing in songs like “Bad Habit” by The Offspring (which I completely understand now). It felt cool to be angry back then. My dad was having none of it, and he chunked most of my CDs and took apart my CD player for a few days.
I was furious. It was so angry that I left home for a week or so. When we’d argue about music, he would talk about the negative or non-Christian themes in the songs I listened to. I quickly pointed him back to his own music. While Julio Iglesias wasn’t cussing up a storm, he was singing lustful songs to his unwed lovers. I pointed out that my parents were enjoying songs about sin with no conviction whatsoever. My dad acknowledged the double standard, and he removed those albums from their collection (even though I know he didn’t personally have a problem with them).
It’s that very memory that concerns me about my own children. We earn and maintain their trust by consistency. Each standard, whatever they may be, must apply across the board, or I’ll lose their respect. Obviously, there ARE a few exceptions, such as alcohol. I won’t not drink until my kids are 21. Driving, making love, drinking, voting, working, and paying bills are all activities which I will do regardless of my child’s ability to follow suit. So there are obviously things which adults do that children shouldn’t.
But where’s that line? When it comes to movies, I will undoubtedly watch movies my children will not be allowed to watch. I will probably watch tv shows they can’t watch. So what about music? How will I explain to my 12 or 13 year old child that it’s okay for daddy to listen to this kind of music but not for him/her? Is that a double standard or simply a necessary age-limit barrier?
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