I shouldn’t say that this happens 100% of the time. That would be unfair. But my experience and the testimony of many believers around me tells me that greater promotion is often precluded by greater hardship.
Hardship. I like that word. It has a nice, solid sound to it. And somehow more easily swallowed. Hardship defines my life right now. Let’s take a quick look at what’s happened to me and my family:
1. A very close relative has a miscarriage 3-4 months into the pregnancy.
2. That same relative is admitted into rehab for alcoholism.
3. I get fired for no good reason and I’m falsely accused. My wife is 4 weeks from first baby’s birth at this time.
4. A couple days after I get fired, my car won’t start. I have to take it in and it takes two days to get it fixed.
5. I started an intense dietary cleanse the same day I was fired (before I knew I was losing my job) and haven’t had comfort food or a decent tasting meal in two weeks.
6. Our cat disappears. My wife and I are so emotionally attached to this cat, and my wife feels like God is picking on her.
7. Despite some job interviews lined up, I have no solid job offers and I’m now three weeks away from the birth of my child.
Picture all of that happening within one month. I know there are plenty of you out there who have suffered worse. I’m not here to compete for the biggest pity prize. But that has been a lot of stress and pain and worry.
We have received so many words of encouragement from friends at church. At least 6 people have told us that they sensed promotion was coming. That’s not something you say foolishly or quickly to a person who lost their job. These people had reason to believe that was true.
I can accept it in theory. God wants to promote me, but to promote me means to ensure that I am able to handle the responsibility. I wish there were a few magic prayers that I could say right now, but there aren’t. I want to learn my lessons quickly so that God can stop allowing all this crap to go on.
To whom much is given, much is required. I know this. I have always expected this to be true. I have no grand illusions about the greatness of my character. I am weak. I am weak and I rely too heavily upon comfort foods and television to get me through each week.
I am giving to the community, however. I am ministering to people in need after church on Sunday. I am loving my wife the best way I know how. I comforted my cat when he was wounded.
What does a person like me need to learn or experience in order to pass the test? I wish I knew. Perhaps I do. God, give me confidence in You and birth in me the trust and dependence upon you that I need to walk in daily.
The saga continues…
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Something happened recently to our family that was a major injustice. I was accused of something that was not true so that my boss could fire me. He had given me a significant raise that kicked in just four days prior, and had promised me some other stuff as well.
In the time since, I have received multiple prophetic words from people at my church that God had allowed this to happen and that this was the start of a promotion. Two older men in my church whom I respect told me that they have been terminated from multiple jobs over the years, and each termination resulted in a promotion. The next job was usually more money and more authority and sometimes even more satisfying.
I heard all these people rallying around our family. I heard their encouragements. And I was very encouraged. But then my first interview came, and it was like I lost my footing. The interview seemed to go well from the interviewer’s perspective. I was mildly interested in the job and the company, but the job would pay the bills. So if that were my only option, I would take it.
But these prophetic words I’ve gotten have told me to search my heart and to pursue the desires of my heart. That is a hard thing to hear. How do I pursue the desires of my heart? I need to pay my bills! I can’t go off and start writing a book. I don’t even feel the desire for that anymore. I can’t just expect to walk around and give people prophetic words and through that support my family. I need a strategy. And even if the Lord wants me to trust him and walk by faith, I need a STRONG word from him that I know I can trust.
All the encouraging words and prophetic statements in the world don’t seem to substitute for actually hearing God’s voice for yourself. Even the internal whisper is preferable to a dozen encouraging words. Just speak to me, Lord, and show me what you want from me. Tell me what you want me to do. Tell me what you want from me right now. How should I live? How should I spend my time?
It’s not enough to sit around and wait. I’ve done that for years before, and got nothing in return. Even with real doubts, I want to trust God’s plan more than my own. So the first step is to hear his plan, or at least the next step of the plan.
Real men have doubts. Don’t let that shipwreck your faith. We all doubt. But a mustard seed of faith is so small, it sometimes says, “God, I know that you CAN, but I don’t know if you WILL… Have mercy on me!”
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We’re back home now. Our whirlwind 24 hour trip is over. My wife is nesting happily, and I am waiting for a tv show to download. Sitting back on my sofa, with my cat sitting on top of the pad near my right shoulder, I am grateful for the opportunity to see my grandparents.
Not everyone feels this way, I know. If you did not know your grandparents or if they were cruel or emotionally unavailable, I am sorry. My father’s parents were always extremely supportive and caring even when we didn’t see eye to eye. Getting to show off my pregnant wife for the first time to them was a pleasure. They’ve known she is pregnant, but living five hours away means that we don’t see each other often. But when I do see them, I experience this overwhelming sense of gratefulness wash over me.
This visit was great. Out of the blue, my wife started bragging about me and how she thinks I am a wonderful husband. She told them all kinds of stuff about how well I treat her, and it felt really good. My grandparents were an amazing comfort to me as a child, and they blessed me even when I was a rebellious and idiotic teenager. They’re different from me, yet they are a spiritual and emotional rock in my life.
My grandfather told me how unusual I am for appreciating and craving family history the way I do. For the past five years, I’ve asked them all sorts of questions about the past, and asked them to write down some of their memories from childhood.
I never cared much about family history until my mom’s father and stepmother passed away. My grandfather was a preacher. I discovered more than 400 sermons recorded on tape and volumes of sermon notes. It was only once I acquired these that a vision began to form inside me of knowing my family heritage and history.
Since then, I have encouraged everyone of my family members to record their thoughts, experiences, and memories for posterity. I have no idea how long Jesus will tarry, but until he returns, I want to paint a vivid picture of my family for my children and any future generations.
Each child is different from his or her parents and grandparents. But some things are hereditary. Some things are passed down through experience. Some things are gifts or callings of God upon an entire family (see Abraham and David’s families as examples). We don’t tend to think that way anymore, but that doesn’t mean God has changed his ways. He blesses and rewards faithfulness (and by faithfulness, I mean hearts that faithfully want to know him).
I want to look back on my family history and see patterns of blessing I can experience and possibly even curses which might need to be broken. Faith comes by hearing. You can only ask God and expect him to come through on things you know he will do. Knowing family history is essentially what God commanded the children of Israel to do after they fled Egypt. It was through family history that each generation were taught who God is and what he has done. And it is through knowing what God has done that we learn what to expect from him and how to approach him.
History is our map. Our guide. Our introduction. The relationship with God must continue… must deepen and mature… but our path is defined largely by how much we are able to expect from him and know about him from the start. He can break through our preconceived ideas and re-teach us who he is, but a faithful account of his interaction in our family’s lives will help to form a more accurate picture of him which will set us up to know him more fully from the beginning.
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One of these days, I will look back at me today and wonder at my current state of confusion. Especially since we moved to this new church, some lifelong questions are beginning to be answered. I’ve never attended a charismatic church where the pastor actually knew how to teach. Most charismatic pastors/preachers are well-intentioned motivational speakers.
I decided not to rail against preaching in this post, although that was my intention. A quick lexicon check tells me that there are multiple Greek words used for “preach”, and that “preaching the Gospel” is a common phrase in Scripture. I had thought previously that the word “preach” might be a contemporary term.
So while I do not yet know the difference between the word “preach” and “teach”, I think they may describe fundamentally different approaches to communicating with others. If preaching isn’t teaching, perhaps it is persuading, but I’m not sure.
I was going to lump all the boring people from my past into the “preaching” category, because it feels like they’re trying to motivate me to do something (unsuccessfully, most of the time). Yet, I have found quality teaching, though rare, to be extremely valuable and useful.
The preachers I’ve heard usually begin with a topic or an intentional exhortation. They then find passages in Scripture to support the point or illustrate how it is carried out. Much of what is said involves personal experience, feelings, and how things would/could be different if only we would perform or stop performing action X.
The few teachers I’ve heard usually begin with a topic that the body needs further understanding in. They then find passages in Scripture which discuss, explain, or illustrate the meaning of the topic. The teacher’s purpose is not so much to exhort people to action as to ensure a right understanding of Scripture. Not that action is bad, of course, but I have found that truth changes people into God’s image. Love does the same, but that is even more of a mystery at times.
I have heard, considered, and agreed with the premise that people are emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and sometimes physically damaged because we believe lies. In each circumstance that a lie is exposed in our beliefs and replaced with truth, healing begins to take place.
We apparently empower whatever we believe. If I believe that no one loves me, then even the most loving people’s affection will not fully impact me. I will believe that their actions mean something else, because I cannot receive love until I believe it is possible to do so.
That is a perfect example of what I have learned from teaching. All the preaching in the world couldn’t give me that.
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When I expect something to happen quickly and it doesn’t, I usually assume it’s my fault. After all, when two companies seem excited to hire you and then neither one contacts you for weeks, it’s like “what did I do wrong?”
Have I been too critical of my current boss? Or that German guy who acts like he’s the smartest person in the world? Have I been too judgmental? Or maybe I’ve been too crass with my jokes. Whatever the case, I wonder if God is allowing me to wait because I haven’t grown or matured in some area. Perhaps it’s not time until I learn some lesson.
Maybe I’m just not as fetching a catch as I seemed to be. God, I hope not! It was great feeling wanted by two companies at the same time. Now I just feel stuck. I feel like a guy who has blown his talents and abilities out of proportion and nobody wants to work with him.
Did I do something wrong, God? Or is it just a matter of reality that some times I have to wait longer than seems necessary?
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