I have a meeting scheduled with the President of the company this morning. I’m not exactly sure what he wants to say. The subject of meeting together came up when he asked me to write another article under his name this week, and I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing so any longer.
I have written somewhere between 6-10 articles which he has claimed total credit for so that he can appear to be an expert on a particular website that offers tips and advice from the experts. It’s a good marketing tool to be found there, but it’s also dishonest to get all the credit when your staff is doing the work.
What he doesn’t realize is that most companies expect CEOs to be full of shit. The top dogs of a company are largely there for show and to handle only the most top level issues. They aren’t experts at the services the company provides. Not even close. But our President thinks he can continue this illusion (while claiming transparency as one of his primary characteristics) forever.
Once I made a stand a few days ago and told him it was dishonest for me to write his article, he said, “I thought you might “feel” that way (why the hell are my feelings in quotes?). I was hoping to talk with you today, but since you’re out of the office, when are you available?”
So we scheduled this meeting, and I’m not sure why. He can’t talk me into writing his article. That’s just not going to happen. There are many reasons: 1) It’s dishonest and unethical; 2) It insults me to be asked to make him look good when he refuses to offer raises or give any of his employees credit; 3) It insults me that he has actually believed that I am stupid enough not to know how I am being insulted.
He must think I am a moron (although I write, speak, and generally communicate with more precision than he does). The fact that I have a laundry list of complaints against him just waiting to be voiced is proof that I am not a buffoon and that I have been able to exercise restraint.
For the record, I am venting here so I won’t feel the need to in my meeting. If he gets personal or accusatory, I have more than enough ammunition. But I intend on going in there and sticking to only the most professional and objective points.
I’ll let you know what happens.
Popularity: 7% [?]
I’m in the process of transferring a domain to my account from some guy on the East Coast. I’m going to use it for reframing my thoughts. Back in ‘98, a friend of mine prophesied over me that I would be a bridge for the lost to reach God, and that one of my primary concerns needed to be renewing my mind via studying the mind of Christ.
I filed that moment away in my memory, and have since mostly forgotten that exhortation to pursue renewal. I have, however, noticed how easily my mind is affected by the movies I watch, songs I listen to, and conversations I participate in. I never wanted to be easily influenced, as one guy labeled me. It’s a sign of weakness, isn’t it?
Anyway, against my wishes, my mind has proven to be very susceptible to certain types of suggestion. So this new domain will be some form of person pursuit of a renewed mind. Hopefully, someone else will find it useful as well.
Popularity: 5% [?]
I know my posts have tended towards moody and somewhat depressing as of late. In my own defense, all I can say is that life seems to ebb and flow in cycles, and I’ve been on a slight downward trend this past week (on my vacation, oddly enough). It is similar to the ache I feel every Saturday, somewhere between 10am and 1pm.
Odd, isn’t it? Well, it is precisely this time of the week in which I have energy, free time, and absolutely nothing to do with it. Inevitably, there are some chores or errands to run which my wife would be very grateful if only I would proactively accomplish some of them. I’m not secretly opposed to chores (or openly, for that matter). But in this four hour open window, it’s like the Walker Percy-esque malaise sets in and my world seems to fall apart.
In these desperate hours, I question my own existence. At the root of it all is the question, If I cannot conceive of something entertaining or engaging to do on my time off, am I really enjoying my life? Can my life be more than a waste if I am only content when I am so busy with work that I haven’t the time to consider creative outlets?
In those moments, I falter because I have no answer ready to hand. I am caught off guard, vulnerable, and wishing to drown out my sorrows with cigarettes, movies, caffeine, alcohol, or something that will alleviate my internal pain.
I might not be expressing the actual sensation well enough to do it justice. It is this dull ache that tends toward panic. I feel lost, as though inside someone else’s dream that resembles reality but is fuzzy or different enough to make my stomach turn and I want to escape.
Lately, I combat the malaise with Starbucks. That’s right, Starbucks. Nothing deep and insightful here. Just a little surface level maintenance to make the day pass smoothly. Indeed, I will have to face my fears. And I continue to probe my thoughts and feelings to find the location, the genesis of this feeling. I must find it. I must know what is the cause of this feeling not right with the world. Whether it be biological, dietary, spiritual, mental, emotional, or some combination of these, I must know. Perhaps the solution is as simple as ridding myself of corn products once and for all and just enduring the painful withdrawl symptoms (think corn syrup in sodas and lattes and just about everything else these days, corn starch, corn chips, tortillas, etc).
Whatever the case, I am paying more attention to it, and will hopefully discover the cause soon. Though I have often feared that there is no such thing as a better life than the one I have lived, it logically cannot hurt me to try for something better.
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I have no excuse. I’m a sucker for a good chick flick. Granted, it’s not the only genre I watch, but the romantic comedy has grown into my top three genres. Here’s a quick peek at some of my favorites:
1. Under the Tuscan Sun
2. French Kiss
3. You’ve Got Mail
4. Kate & Leopold
5. Sleepless in Seattle
6. My Best Friend’s Wedding
7. First Daughter
8. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
9. Runaway Bride
10. High Fidelity (not so much chick flick, but great)
11. IQ
12. The Prince & Me
13. Serendipity
14. Someone Like You
15. While You Were Sleeping
16. Notting Hill
17. City of Angels (not a comedy, but great)
18. Pride & Prejudice
19. What Women Want
20. Ever After
21. The Princess Bride
22. LA Story
23. Father of the Bride 1&2
24. The Truth About Cats & Dogs
25. Clueless
26. Just My Luck
27. The Devil Wears Prada
28. Because I Said So
29. She’s The Man
30. Freaky Friday
31. 10 Things I Hate About You
32. Pretty Woman
Wow… that’s just my immediate list. There’s probably thirty more that I can’t think of just now. I seriously like these movies. When life is stressing me out, and I can’t handle a thriller or intellectual drama, nothing says relaxed like a chick flick and some junk food.
Give it a shot. It’s really not bad.
Popularity: 4% [?]
Twice this week, we have argued over next to nothing. The first time was really bad, and it broke my heart to see her cry. Something clicks on the inside when tears form on her face and she lets herself go with an abandoned sob. I realize I have been cruel. I realize that my words are powerful, and that they have been used to attack far too often.
I see her lying on the bed, sobbing, and all I can do is feel irreparably tainted. Why can I not stop before I start and refuse to injure such a lovely woman? Why can I not sense her frailty and vulnerability and seek to protect it?
Then there are times like today when she misunderstands me and takes offense to something I did not intend. No matter how hard I try to explain, she can only hear the voice of extreme criticism. It is years of negativity which build a solid expectation of character. Had my words taken on a more positive and life giving force as a general rule, she would have learned to expect praise rather than insult.
I love my wife. My wounds have caused her pain far too often.
Popularity: 6% [?]